My 2010 Actions

While reading through bhutanesebloggerpost on 2010 plan I realized I needed to revisit my new year resolutions, so here I am again with my new year resolutions.

Why did I think of new year resolutions? Well, I looked at my current status. My life today. Am I living well? Am I satisfied with myself? Am I happy most times? Of course, if I consider my age, I should be doing well by now and not even think about resolutions, perhaps. But then, that's not a standard rule, is it?

I reflected on my 2009. 2008. 2007. 2006. 2005. 2004 (the year I resigned from government service). Did things go well these past years?  What has been different for me from the time I used to be in government service? Has it been better? Am I happier?

Now, that's pretty difficult to assess. First of all, I need to be clear on what I want to make of my life. Has this ever been clear for me? Perhaps NOT. I never really did find myself the time to think about this. Life just went on - monotonously. And, then, BING! I woke up suddenly in early 2004. Actually an inner voice cried out to me "Enough, Tshering! Stop all this nonsense! What are you trying to prove? And, to whom?" That was it. A sudden push on the brake pedal. I shocked myself. Friends were dumbfounded. Family shocked too. And, what to imagine of colleagues at work? God alone knows what they were really thinking, but at the farewell gathering the message I got was that they thought I was "courageous." One close colleague-cum-friend even went on to say in her speech that "many others would also like to leave, but not everybody has the courage to do so." Whatever was that supposed to mean for the others? For me, it meant giving up a job that earned me my stable monthly income, without which I would probably be in a terrible mess. True in many ways, given my not-so-stable financial status at that time. Some friends had gossipped among themselves that I was being "stupid." I think they were right given the face value information they had about me. What was simmering inside was something nobody ever noticed. Well, it was just simmering, not on full fire, so I guess it wasn't noticeable.

I remember when I got my first appointment in Pemagatshel as a teacher in 1987, friends had told me, "Wai, Dolkar, don't come back three, huh" and I remember replying, "Come on, I have a long way to go; I cannot think of marriage yet; I must first be able to stand on my own feet with some savings." It had sounded so easy when I said that. Had I meant it? Of course! But, what I had not known was how to keep to it. I realize it was one of my first resolutions at the start of my new phase in life. However, within a short span of not even half the year I was married to a complete stranger and then the third family member was on its way immediately after. Savings? Chance missed. Those living or familiar with Bhutanese ways can imagine the rest that followed. I was among the modern educated lot, but beaten by time immemorial traditions of succumbing to demands that were in no way going to make my own future or of my children. Did I care, though? NO! That was the BIG mistake. I was educated enough to quickly visualize my magnificent future (castles in the air), but not WISE and SMART enough to do what it takes to make that future. I should say I was unwisely beaten.  But, you know what? I thought I had begun quite well, though. I would maintain a book of accounts with all bills attached and then review them at the end of the month to check what I was spending most on and how necessary it was. I would then make a decision on what to spend and what not to spend on and how much, etc in the new month. You know what put an end to that? My own EMOTIONAL DISTRACTIONS.


Coming back to the present, I can say that I am doing better - i.e. relative to how I was doing before, not in absolute terms. So, what was it like before resigning from government service? 

• Life was stressful most days - even weekends!
• Too many worries about others, hardly about myself
• Too much worrying about office work, therefore hardly ever calm and composed and missing lunches
  
• Too much of pleasing others and being nice, therefore, a lot of sacrifices
• No personal vision, therefore hardly any personal life
  
• Poor personal time management, therefore hardly any time for self and family
  
• Not assertive - whether at work or at home - therefore ending up doing beyond my means
  
• Angered easily by others' wrongs
• Overspending, therefore hardly able to save
  
• Easily distracted by emotions, therefore fluctuating in my performance - at work as well as home

So, what is it like now?

• Life is less stressful.
• Less worrying about others, more focus on self and immediate family
• Still a lot of worrying about work, therefore still not calm and composed while working
• Pleasing selectively and being nice when I need to
• Have a 'draft' personal vision
• Better personal time management, but still in need of further improvement
  
• Can be assertive when I have to
  
• Still angered by others' wrongs (e.g. corruption, lack of transparency)
  
• Spending less, but still more than I need to
  
• Emotions under better control, although still quite sensitive at times particularly with family members

So, what brought about the good changes? Well, first of all, I told myself, "There's much more to learn in life" and I made the effort to learn. I still do.

• I read recommended books (e.g. Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, Shiv Khera's You Can Win, Bart A. Baggett's Success Secrets of the Rich and Happy, Robin S. Sharma's Who Will Cry When You Die?, Thich Nhat Hanh's Old Path White Clouds, etc).

• I listened to talks/speeches  (e.g. by Sogyal Rinpoche, Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche, Lama Shenphen Zangpo of deerparkthimphu, Truelku Jamyang from Kalimpong, the current Indian Ambassador to Bhutan, His Majesty the Fifth King Druk Gyalpo Jigme Khesar Namgyal Wangchuck, Dasho Karma Ura, etc).

• I participated in workshops (e.g. Advisory Skills by SNV, Training of Trainers by Sambodhi, School Leadership by iDiscoveri, Leadership Learning Programme by SNV, HIV/AIDS by UNICEF, CSO Workshop by Bhutan Foundation,etc)

• I browsed the internet (using google search) each time I wanted to understand a new concept or correct an old misconception

• I interacted with people in various informal gatherings (e.g. tea/snacks/meals with friends, colleagues, acquaintances, etc)

• I watched recommended movies (e.g. at deerparkthimphu) and TV programmes (e.g. Oprah, singing and dance contests, etc)

• I followed certain websites/blogs (e.g. Siddharth, Robert Holden's Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project, Centre for Bhutan Studies, bhutanportal, the chiefhappinessofficer, bhutaneseblogger, dionthejob, Opposition Party Leader Lyonpo Tshering Tobgay, etc)

What did I learn?

1. In order to lead others, I've got to first lead myself. I can lead myself by being clear about my values. I discovered I had been leading myself pretty well by being serious about ethics.
   
2. A team needs a good leader. I can lead my team (including family) by being a good role model. I discovered I had unknowingly been quite a good leader to small teams.
   
3. Everybody has strengths. I discovered my real strength - training, advising. I had been wasting quite a bit of my precious time doing things I wasn't really cut out for.
   
4. Happiness is a choice. I can be happy most moments of my life as I have made the choice. (However, also accepting that little downs can't be helped, but must be managed well.)
5. Wealth is a decision. I may not become wealthy as wealth is not on my list of decisions.
6. "The tragedy of life is not death, but what we let die inside of us while we live." I should keep my old passions alive. My very first oldest secret passion - singing and dancing. I must keep this alive too.
   
7. "Winners don't do different things. They do things differently." I can do differently what I used to do. I discovered I was focusing too much on doing different things just to prove myself and never really got down to doing anything after all.  
   
8. Life is not without difficulties. Even the Buddha encountered difficulties. The difficulties can be overcome or managed with resilience. I can overcome my difficulties gracefully. 

So, what did I do differently?

1. I turned my inner voice and passion into my personal vision and mission - "Happiness and Serving with Excellence." (By the way I keep my above mentioned secret passion alive by watching singing and dance contests on TV and also attending concerts. It gives me immense pleasure.)
   
2. I tried to be patient by building patience through disciplined mental reflections and journal writing.
3. I turned my complaints/grievances into motivational packages - coaching, guiding, which I used to do quite a bit already but also complain.
   
4. I focused my efforts more on providing advice and training to people as my main profession.
5. I turned my difficulties into 'exciting' challenges to deal with. I challenged myself into overcoming them.

What could I NOT do differently?

• I could not discipline myself into daily meditation, which is believed to ease and stabilize the mind.
• I could not always have lunch on time.
• I could not NOT be angered by others' wrong doings.
• I could not NOT spend on unrequired fancy things.
  
• I could not NOT be hurt or distracted by my family's actions.

So, my revised resolutions (which I now prefer to call My 2010 Actions) are as follows.

1. Daily meditation of SIX MINUTES (as advised by deerparkthimphu Lama Shenphen Zangpo) in the morning for the whole of this year
2. Set my alarm on my mobile to lunch time so that I'm reminded of lunch while I'm working on my computer.
3. Make a list of things to buy, making sure the list does not include fancy things. (Even if I did become wealthy by sheer luck, then spending on fancy things should still not be on my agenda but rather charity. I have understood the value of money much much more now.)
   

I have no clue as to how to help myself not to be angered by others' wrong doings and not be sensitive about my family's actions. Any advice, anybody? Will my daily meditation actually gradually help me overcome these?

On the other hand, when I think of civil society organizations and non government organizations, if not for anger about people's wrongdoings would such organizations exist?

Until next time, adieux........ 

PS.
In case you wish to know some popular new year resolutions, check popular new year resolutions in the US .

(Gosh! Have I again gone and done different rather than differently?)

And, in case you need some help with how to keep your resolutions, here's Gretchen Rubin's tips. (Shhhh...I'm a fan of Gretchen Rubin, for her spirit and courage)


Another secret: I was wondering how bhutaneseblogger and Opposition Party Leader Lyonpo Tshering Tobgay linked to websites so neatly every time on their posts and then I decided to learn it. Today, I can do it too and I'm happy.